I’m still learning to be me, at 73. I’ve given my authority away so many times, so many ways. I’ve lived a life under the authority of others, but I’ve created my own authority now, I’ve written it, written about it, it’s come into me and I have become it. I had to embrace it. I had to write it, for it to become me. I embrace no division in me, anymore. My authority is one, one authority, mine, mine own, to be me. I am one. In the life of me I am my life made whole, my energy’s free.
It took a lot to free me. It took me years, great surrender, constant learning, willingness to learn, write, become what I was learning, learning through me, through the words I would write day after day, words I would speak day after day, learning to write, learning to speak, learning to record, learning to be not afraid, not afraid of all the voices I thought might condemn me. Had to learn they had no power, no power but what I gave them over me. I had to exert power. I had to lead me. I chose, to lead me. I wanted something more than life: I wanted to be me. And if that meant giving up the life I knew, I was willing.
My willingness increased as I became me. The only problem, was, there wasn’t just one problem, but a process of challenges. One step up, two back, it seemed sometime. So much, so many times, called out to me with the siren call of sorrow that looked so good, felt so good, transporting darkness into light, for a season. Frog in the kettle eventually says, wait! It’s too hot, it’s too much! This isn’t ME!! “This” isn’t what I want. I want … to be me.
I like what I am not covered over by anyone’s authority. I like intangible me, my spirit, my values, my love, my love of me, for me. Setting me free now I live, not the life of someone else’s in my body. I eject their rule over me. It’s called… maturity. Maturing is hard. Process. Diligence. Un-learning. Laying aside, the comfortable.
At what cost, do we become US? Laying down the false, the false comfort that never satisfies, for very long; learning to discern, make decisions that lead me to be me, rather than merge with another person, another person’s spirit, another person’s authority, becoming a diluted me, hybrid’d me, “stuck” me … costs too much. I’m willing to explore, me, the unknown in me, write my words, speak my authority, speak my voice, become me, … even to recreating me.
I’m becoming me. I’m 73. I’m one. There’s hope for me. There’s hope for you. There’s hope for us, all being one. Walking in our own authority to create our own life, and even regenerate it.
I’m the regeneration of me, still in process.
I love you, encourage you. Never give up, never give up being you. Your beauty excels all the angels, who don’t know who they are. No longer in the kettle of others opinions, come out. Design your life, design your love. Love everybody equally… with the love of one. All ones, becoming love. Regenerating heaven on earth, we’re the regenerators, of our own authority. With the crown of light, crowning us with it. All one.
Love each other. You first. Unlimitedly,
Theodore Cottingham in Brews coffee shop in Eureka Springs, for now. Good day. 😁😎🎉
